Some days, it’s not the hard thing itself that overwhelms me. It’s the anticipation of it. The fear of how it might feel, the grief I might carry, the outcome I can’t control. Sometimes the “what if” is louder than the “what is.”
In those moments, my instinct is to stay busy. If I keep moving, maybe I won’t have to feel the weight of it. But I’m learning that busyness isn’t the same as peace. It doesn’t soothe fear; it only buries it.
I started the summer with big intentions to slow down, to savor, and to be intentional with my time. But by July, I had fallen short. The schedule filled up. The work load felt too hard. The nights stretched too long, and my body crashed… as it always seems to every six months when I have pushed past my limit.
But thankfully, summer wasn’t over yet, and I still had time. Time to pause. To stop. To name what was really happening beneath the surface. To invite calm. To breathe.
With September comes the return of routines and the creeping in of busyness. My husband, the youngest executive at the Fortune 1000 company where he works, carries the weight of long days, late nights, and frequent travel. Add his leadership conference to the start of school, and this month feels especially full. I’m proud of his dedication, but the pace can wear on all of us. The good news? We can see it coming, plan ahead, and grit through the hardest weeks together.
My oldest, now in 11th grade, is chasing her dream of aerospace through advanced classes, after-school clubs, jobs, and dance—all while managing cluster headaches and monitoring heart concerns. Her strength amazes me.
My middle, just starting 9th grade, has become the face behind Grace in the Disarray’s social media. She’s intentional in all she does, from coaching gymnastics to aiming for the Ivy League, even while managing tough allergy treatments.
And my youngest, beginning his final year of elementary school, is growing into himself with both joy and struggle. Navigating neurodiverse needs and the complexities of identity as a transracial adoptee isn’t easy, but he continues to teach me daily about resilience, love, and grace.
Needless to say, the summer was saved just in time to enjoy it fully, but the school year is bringing its own challenges and joys. And while I am here for all of it, I also need to remember to breathe.
And in the middle of this new chaos, I knew I needed something simple. Something I could return to when panic rose and my calendar screamed louder than my soul. That’s when my son and I began practicing something new: breath prayer.
Breath prayer is a way to center your mind, anchor your heart, and create enough stillness to move from panic to peace. Whether or not you consider yourself “religious,” these small moments of mindful breath and spoken truth can ground you in something bigger than fear.
Maybe today you need that pause too… a deep inhale of grace, and an exhale of all the “what ifs.”
Here’s how it works: You breathe in a truth—something solid, rooted, good. You breathe out a response—something honest, surrendered, or hopeful.
It might sound like this:
Breathe in: You promise to protect those who love You. Breathe out: My family is safe under Your care. (Psalm 121:7–8)
Breathe in: You promise to provide for every need. Breathe out: That includes my emotional health too. (Philippians 4:19)
Breathe in: You promise to guide me. Breathe out: My future is secure in Your hands. (Psalm 32:8)
Breathe in: You promise peace that surpasses understanding. Breathe out: I release the “what ifs” and cling to the “even ifs.” (John 14:27)
Breathe in: You promise hope even when life is hard. Breathe out: You are working for my good and Your glory. (Jeremiah 29:11)
It’s not about performance. It’s about presence.
Each breath reminds me I don’t have to carry the weight of fear, guilt, or uncertainty alone. I don’t have to have all the answers. I just need to be still, even briefly, and remember that peace begins in the pause.
I recently discovered the book Breath as Prayer by Jennifer Tucker, and it’s been such a gift. Written in a devotional format, it gently walks you through everyday struggles while teaching you how to use breath prayers to calm anxiety, focus your mind, and renew your soul. If you’re like me and always looking for tools that speak to both the heart and the nervous system, this one’s worth your time.
So here’s your invitation: Join me. Try it. Breathe in truth. Breathe out trust. Release the ‘what ifs’ and rest in the God who holds the ‘what is.’
Grace in the Disarray 
Excellent Cassie!
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