As parents and teachers, we all want to help children grow not just academically but emotionally, to see them thrive in relationships, manage their feelings, and feel confident in who they are. Yet sometimes, especially in early childhood, it can be hard to tell when a child’s big feelings or behaviors are part of typical development and when they might be signs of a deeper need for support.
Believe me, I’ve been there. I grew up as the oldest of three girls, and my biological children are girls as well. When our son came to us through foster care, I found myself navigating new territory. I wasn’t sure what was simply “boy energy” and what might be something more, something beneath the surface that was making his feelings extra big and his behaviors more extreme.
That is where social-emotional screening tools come in. These tools are not meant to label children or diagnose conditions. Instead, they help parents, teachers, and caregivers notice patterns, track growth, and start meaningful conversations about a child’s emotional well-being. They give us language to understand what is happening beneath the behavior and to respond with compassion instead of frustration.
Social-emotional screening tools are short, research-based questionnaires that look at how a child manages emotions, builds relationships, focuses attention, and expresses feelings. Most take only a few minutes to complete but can offer valuable insight into a child’s strengths and areas where support might be needed.
For parents, these tools can bring clarity, a way to see what might be driving meltdowns, tears, or frustration. For teachers, they provide a gentle, structured way to communicate observations and work alongside families. Screening does not mean something is wrong, it simply highlights where extra care or practice might help.
If you are new to the idea, a few examples you might hear mentioned by educators or pediatricians include the ASQ:SE-2 (Ages & Stages Questionnaires: Social-Emotional, Second Edition), the DECA (Devereux Early Childhood Assessment), and the BASC-3 BESS (Behavior and Emotional Screening System). Each offers a different way to understand a child’s social and emotional development, and all are designed to foster collaboration between home and school.
As both a teacher and a mom, I know how overwhelming it can feel when emotions run high or when a child seems to be struggling more than expected. These moments can leave us second-guessing ourselves and wondering if we are missing something important. But social-emotional tools offer something invaluable: understanding. They help us see the child, not just the behavior.
The goal of any social-emotional tool is not perfection, it is connection. Growth takes time, every child develops differently, and small steps forward are still progress. Parenting and teaching through emotional challenges can feel messy, but we are not alone in it. These tools do not replace our instincts, they strengthen them.
Every child deserves to be seen, understood, and supported, at home and at school. And every adult who loves and teaches them deserves tools that make that partnership a little easier.
Understanding is the first step toward helping them grow, and that understanding can make all the difference.
The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. — 1 Samuel 16:7
Grace in the Disarray 